Shoes With Zippers

I kind of feel weird writing this blog right now. I’m heading into unchartered territory, and I’m wondering if it’s actually okay to do it.

You see, I’ve never written a blog entry in any other month except November. Hopefully I can pull it of in December just as well, but in case I break down all of a sudden into a trembling mess and start screaming, ‘Mommy… I’m not really like the other boys, am I?”, balled up in the fetal position, in the corner of the room, you’ll know the reason why.

I actually wanted to update the blog some time last week, but I just didn’t have the time. I was busy studying for the big Japanese Proficiency Exam, and only took time off to watch the latest WWE Summer Slam (which sucked ass, by the way). The Japanese Proficiency exam only happens once a year. This was my second time to take part in it. I studied and passed Level 3 way back in 2002.

For those of you who don’t know, the exam has four levels, and you can take the exam at whatever grade level you choose. Here’s a brief rundown of the four levels.

Level 4 is the easiest. If you pass this level, you will be able communicate in Japanese at a limited capacity. You will be able to say the basic, everyday things that are crucial in your Japanese life, such as, ‘Yes, I can use chopsticks’, and ‘This is a pen’.

If you pass level 3, you have demonstrated that you can communicate in Japanese at an intermediate level. You’ll be able to understand almost everything your Japanese friends and colleagues are saying, as long as you have downed a six-pack of Kirin Namagoshi Nama beforehand. You’ll also be able to complain about the weather whenever the temperature rises above (あつい！) or drops below (さむい！) 24 degrees Celsius, in the true Japanese spirit.

If you pass level 2, then you’re really seriously into studying Japanese. You’ll be able to use Japanese at a semi-advanced level and you’ll only need three Namagoshi’s to understand your Japanese companions. You’ll also realize that that one J-Pop song you’ve been singing every single time you go to karaoke, is actually about a guy who still wets the bed and can’t ‘get it up’ in the morning.

If you pass level 1, then you are Japanese. Either that, or you seriously have no life. You’ll be able to use Japanese at an advanced level and will be able to understand even the tiniest intricacies of Japanese life. You’ll be able to watch Japanese stand-up comedians with your Japanese friends, without a sense of bewilderment. You’ll still think the jokes are crap, but at least you’ll understand what makes it funny to your friends.

This time, I elected to take the level 2 exam, and Sunday was the big day. I’m pretty sure I failed it, but you know what I think? Whoever came up with the questions in that exam, IS AN ASSHOLE!

For example, here’s a question for the listening section. In the test, it was completely in Japanese, but for the sake of our viewers, I shall present it in English.

Q: A man and a woman are talking about their plans. Where are they going to go next?

A: The movies B: The museum C: The coffee shop D: A restaurant

(Dialogue)
WOMAN: I’m so thirsty, I really need a drink. How about going to THE COFFEE SHOP first?
MAN: Okay, let’s go THE COFFEE SHOP.
WOMAN: But if we go to THE COFFEE shop, we’re going to be late for display at THE MUSEUM.
MAN: You’re right, let’s just go to THE MUSEUM.
WOMAN: Are you sure we should go to THE MUSEUM? I think it may be boring for you.
MAN: Maybe you’re right. Well, let’s go to THE MOVIES to see that new drama.
WOMAN: That sounds like a great idea.
MAN: Oh, but it’s opening day today. It’ll be very crowded.
WOMAN: You’re right. Well, are you hungry? Shall we go to A RESTAURANT?
MAN: Sure, let’s go to A RESTAURANT.
<2 second pause>
MAN: Actually, I’m only in the mood for something sweet. How about one of those delicious cakes at THE COFFEE SHOP?
WOMAN: That sounds great! But I just remembered, it’s Wednesday, and THE COFFEE SHOP isn’t open on Wednesdays.
MAN: Hey look, there’s a poster for that movie we saw on our very first date. It’s playing at THE MOVIES in Shinjuku.
WOMAN: That’s perfect! Let’s go to THE MOVIES!
<5 second pause>
MAN: Oh look, the movie theater has been torn down, and been replaced by a COFFEE SHOP…

And it keeps on going on, and on, and on. At the end of the question, you don’t even care where those two indecisive morons agree to go. There’s only one place where they should be going, along with the person who came up with that crap dialogue, and that’s STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Right then, I’ll just go back to playing Soul Caliber 3. Have a nice day!